From the desk of Patrick A. Nowakowski President LIRR

From the desk of Patrick A. Nowakowski
President MTA Long Island Rail Road

My fellow LIRR commuters, as winter turns into spring, I want to update you on some of the events of the past few months

First – Fares
I am pleased to announce there will not be an increase to the base fare for 2018 or 2019.
In order to keep the base fare the same, the following policies will be implemented effective today
• All Mail & Ride tickets will be assessed a $5.00 processing fee
• All monthly tickets purchased from one of our windows will be assessed a $7.00 processing fee
• All monthly tickets purchased from a automated machine will be assessed a $2.00 processing fee
• All other tickets purchased from a window will be assessed a $3.00 fee
• All other tickets purchased from an automated machine will be assessed a $1.00 fee

Second – East Side Access
The East Side Access project is proceeding on schedule and will be ready for service in the year 2050.
The Helena Williams Terminal at Grand Central Station will be the most modern train station in the world offering many first class amenities
Watch this space to purchase commemorative tickets for the first LIRR passenger train to Grand Central on January 1, 2050

Third – Train Time App
You spoke and we listened. We are working on many improvements to this app, including real-time train information.
Watch this space for further information as we test the new functionality

Fourth – Positive Train Control (PTC)
Your safety is our #1 concern and this will be completed and ready for testing system wide in the year 2020

And you forgot to add Mitch Pally is bringing back the bar carts, and ordering the M9 bar/utility cars.

You actually had me hooked reading the part about the fare surcharges until I remembered what today's date is. LOL

April Fools day LOL!

Too funny!