About the Author J. D. Santucci (a.k.a. "Tuch") began his railroading career in 1978 as a trainman on the Missouri Pacific. After a round of lay-offs in 1985, Tuch embarked on a railroad odyssey, working in many different situations for different roads. This column tries to explain some of the nuts and bolts of the job and also demonstrates what we have to deal with on a regular basis within and without the industry. Tuch currently works through freights out of Chicago for Canadian National/Illinois Central. ©1999, 2003-2007 JD Santucci. Logo ©2002 The Railroad Network. By J.D. Santucci

July 14, 2004
Well after a rather lengthy hiatus, I'm back. Things got busy and crazy at the same time. I've changed assignments and am back working a yard job. The twelve noon pull down job at Markham. It has pretty much been 11 to 12 hour days, six days per week. And being that it is summer I've been doing some stuff around the outside of the house. I've also been trying to actually have some summer fun as well, even attending several baseball games.

I've managed to attend a couple of White Sox games as well as a couple of minor league games with the Gary South Shore Railcats. No, I do not root for the Cubs and was pulling against them in last year's playoffs. As usual, my hunch was right; they'd blow it again and disappoint their fans again. If I go to a Cubs game this year, it will be with free tickets and I will root against them. I've been to several Cub games over the years and cheer on whomever is playing them.

After having painters come in and do the entire interior of the house, we also had to put it back together as well. And I still haven't finished getting this office back in order. I decided to redecorate it with somewhat of a different theme, and still have yet to complete it.

I've also been trying to clear some stuff out on ebay and dealing with that as well. So I've been "Busy, busy, busy."

"IT just goes to show you, it's always something!"

I want to thank those of you across the HTOTHI Network that inquired about my well being. Several wrote wanting to know if there were health or other problems preventing me from writing. The only real problem has been time and the lack of it. And no, the beautiful bride did not whack me in the head with her cast iron skillet, although sometimes I wonder why she has not done so.

I had actually begun writing a column several weeks ago that would return me to the business of this all. It is about half finished. I decided I didn't like they way it was heading, so I stopped production of it. One of these days I'll go back and rework what is already written and then finish it. In the meantime, I decided to return with some of the unknown yet humorous side of railroading.

Today's theme is not about some legendary high school football or basketball team. Nor is it about some Do Whop band from the 50's or early 60's. It is about railroaders that last 59 days or less on the railroad before washing out.

When hired onto a unionized railroad, the new hire works through a probationary period before joining the union. This probationary period is usually sixty or ninety days in length. It varies from railroad to railroad. On CN, it is sixty days. During their probation, the new hire can be dismissed immediately for screwing up. They are exempt from the requirements of the Railway Labor Act that requires due process, in this case, the "fair and impartial" investigation before they are fired.

Should the new hire miss calls, arrive tardy with any frequency, not show up after taking a call, do something really bad that causes a derailment (usually a serious one), cause another employee to be injured or just be a total screw up, the carrier can dismiss said employee. We refer to this as being "fifty-nine day'd." Once dismissed in this time period, it is highly unlikely that one would get reinstated. Although in one case, I knew a guy that was given a second chance. He managed to bungle that one up too and was ejected from the ranks like a pilot from a burning airplane.

In my nearly twenty-six years, I've been subjected to many fifty-nine dayers. One can usually pick them out once they start working after their training period is complete. Fortunately for me though, while having worked with my fair share of them I've never actually been a fifty-nine dayer myself.

So with this background in mind, we are going to discuss some of these individuals and some of the antics they pulled off that earned them a quick exit from the property. And like my other topics dealing with strange and bizarre behavior, they shall remain anonymous. Some of you reading this might know and recall some of these characters though. I say that as one column awhile back brought forth a name of an individual recounted there from another railroader that also knew him. I ran into a railroader that I used to work with and he told of getting a real kick out of that particular column. He then told me that the one guy I wrote about had to be old so and so.

Who says everybody you meet in life doesn't leave a lasting impression?

We're going to open with the guy who could not stay awake. I worked with one character that simply could not keep his eyes open. He always had an excuse for being so tired, with none of them really being worth the time he took to explain them. I worked with this guy one Sunday and he kept constantly dozing off. I was really on him reminding him that they don't pay us to sleep out here.

His excuse for being so tired this day was the claim that he didn't sleep over missing a call the evening previous. He stated that he somehow forgot both his pager and cell phone when he exited his car to go visit his sister. He told of not realizing he didn't have them with him until he was leaving her house to come home. He found them in the car where he claimed he left them and low and behold, there were pages and messages from the railroad trying to contact him. When he did check in, he said he was told that he would work in the morning and that he should get some rest.

His claim to me was that he didn't sleep all that night as he was worried they were going to fire him over missing the call to work. He said he was so shook up over it that he just couldn't sleep. Maybe he should've take some sort of sleep aid.

"Take Sominex tonight and sleep; safe and restful, sleep, sleep sleep."

Others told me that whenever he worked with them it was the same thing; he could not stay awake. In one instance, he fell asleep standing up. The Conductor he was working with this particular evening told of this guy leaning up against the stand for a switch and he fell sound asleep. They were calling him on the radio repeatedly and he did not answer. The Conductor told of going up to him and having to shake him to wake him up.

Hmm, this might have been a great opportunity to test out the theory of placing somebody's hand into warm water while they are asleep. If you are unaware of this theory, it is claimed to cause the sleeping person to begin to urinate when this is done. I can prove it as true as I was a Boy Scout and we once did this to a guy when we were on a camp out. Oh yes, his sleeping bag did turn into a waterbed.

How does that Boy Scout oath go again? "On my honor to do my best, to help Girl Scouts to get undressed." Or something to that affect anyway. And somehow I never got kicked out of the Scouts either. Go figure.

Needless to say, Sleeping Beauty was heaved out the door short of reaching his sixtieth day and he never returned. And he actually filed a lawsuit against the railroad involved for wrongful termination. Heard he never got a dime from it. Perhaps he could find work as a magician's assistant.

Look into my eyes. "You are getting sleepy, very sleepy."

Then there was the character that, when called to work, told the Caller that he "Can't make it for this train as he is busy, but he would be there for the next one." Too busy, eh? Well he went the way of the five cent cigar with that excuse.

There was one guy that never made it past the first day. On his very first night on the extra board as a Trainman, he got called out to work. As it would happen, it was both raining and a Friday night. He told the Caller "Like I don't work on the weekend and I don't work in the rain." He was put on hold while the Caller contacted the Trainmaster for further instructions. The Caller was told to go ahead and let this guy mark off and to inform him to come and see the Trainmaster on Monday morning.

When Monday morning rolled around, this guy does as instructed and stops in to see the Trainmaster. It was quickly explained to him that if he couldn't work weekends or in the rain (or both simultaneously), he couldn't work here. And with that he was dismissed on the spot.

Believe it or not, this is not the record for shortest career. I knew a guy that got hired on a railroad and while still doing the new hire classroom portion of the training, was dismissed. It seems that the Safety and Operating Practices Manager came into the class to discuss safety and other issues with them all. This guy somehow got into an argument with the Safety guy. From what I was told, it was quite heated. Immediately after the arguing ended, this new hire was sent packing. It was only his second or third day of classroom training too.

"What are you people, on dope?"

And speaking of dope, there was one guy who was washed out because of drugs. He completed his new hire training and was placed on the Trainman's extra board. Most railroads will random test new hires several times during their probationary period to make sure they are clean. Well, this guy apparently didn't pay attention to the requirements of rule G, the drug and alcohol rule. He was random tested and came up hot on his very first random check.

"He gone!"

In the probationary period, there are no exceptions made, not offers to go to the spin dry and no second chance. You are finished.

On the subject of Rule G, there was one guy that showed up drunker than a skunk when called out on a holiday during his probationary period. Word had it that his speech was slurred and he was not walking too very well either. The rule G testing folks were summoned to the yard. While waiting for them to arrive, this guy heads out to his car to wait. While waiting, he apparently fell asleep. Or perhaps it was passed out. In any event, when the testing guy finally arrived, they almost couldn't wake this guy up for his test. They finally did arouse him from his slumber and managed to get him tested on the breathalyzer. He went big as he hit it for a high number.

He too, wound up on the streets.

There was one guy that had apparently landed himself a date with some dolly and he didn't want to break it. When called to work, he attempted to explain to the Caller that he really couldn't break this date so he couldn't come to work. She marked him off and reported this fact to the Trainmaster. Come the following day when this guy called in to see when he would work, he was informed that he had been dismissed for failing to protect his job.

"Now beat it, scram, get outta here!"

Another fellow working in the Maintenance of Way Department at one railroad decided he wanted to be an Engineer. His mother was a Clerk at this line and she spoke with the head officer assigned to this terminal about the potential for his making the switch to the Transportation Department. The manager invited the son in for an interview. In this interview, he explained all the requirements of this department.

Now one of the requirements of being a transportation employee is that of having dependable transportation. This means a car, truck or SUV. It does not mean the public transportation system of the region. Well, this guy assured the manager that he would have dependable wheels and would be able to make it whenever called.

When the time came and there were openings, this guy was allowed to transfer over from Maintenance of Way to Transportation. Normally under such circumstances, you must vacate your seniority in the department you are leaving. You keep your original hire date for maintaining benefits, but you establish a new seniority date in the new department. This rule applied to this young fellow as well. This will be important in a few minutes and you'll see as you read on.

Anyway, this guy did not acquire dependable wheels. In fact, he didn't acquire any at all. He took the bus to and from work. When working regular times like 7 in the morning or 6 in the evening, this is not much of a problem as the buses run pretty regular. Now when called to come out at say, 3:15 AM, this presents a huge problem as there are not too many buses, if any at all operating at this time.

Very quickly, this guy was not able to make it to work when called out at the odd hours like this. And on the railroad and in his particular situation this occurred quite frequently during his first sixty days. In one case when told he could not mark off as there were no men, he asked if the company could send somebody out to pick him and bring him to work. And then there was also the problem of going home at the odd hours of the morning as again, there were no buses. On more than one occasion, one of the guys he was working with, me included, gave him a ride home. Unfortunately for this guy, he lived in a high crime neighborhood, so taking him there made for an interesting time, to say the least. On other occasions, he just had to wait around the yard until the buses began operating again in the morning.

When called upon the carpet about not being able to take calls account he had no wheels, he told the manager he could not afford any type of vehicle and would not have enough money anytime soon. By right, he could have been dismissed. Fortunately for this kid, the manager was able to work out a deal that allowed him to transfer back to the MofW Department with his original seniority date in that department. It was a lucky break for him. I would bet the fact that his mother worked there and was well regarded as a very good employee is what really helped his cause too.

There was one girl that was hired at one road. She had a husband in the rail industry working with another carrier. They had several children, including a brand new one at home. Now being that our work/rest cycles can be so sporadic I asked her how she planned to handle coming in at say 0230 when her husband was already at work. She told of having her mother living right next door and how mom would watch the kids for her. I wondered if mom was aware of getting woken up in the wee small hours of the morning to baby sit. I also wondered if mom had a life of her own, including perhaps, a job of her own.

Needless to say, this poor girl was quickly establishing a reputation for being late when catching one of these late night side of early morning assignments. In several cases she was over an hour late. In at least two cases that I recalled, she called in after she was supposed to be there to mark off as she could get nobody to watch her kids at that hour. Gee, what a shock.

She was sent packing after about a month.

And finally, there was the guy who erroneously lined a switch underneath a car that was rolling over it at the time. This caused the car to derail. While this was not a terrible catastrophe, it was a problem as they lost two tracks in the process. The guy sort of came unraveled. Actually he pretty much unrolled himself completely from the spool. The Trainmaster had to talk to him for better part of an hour to calm him down. This poor guy went home and never returned. I guess this little episode was far too intense for him causing his inner train to go chugging down the track.

"It's too piercing, it's like, wow."

And with that we draw to a close for today's lesson. I'm making no promises as for getting on track with a regular weekly column. I'll crank these little lessons out as I have time for the rest of the summer. Gotta enjoy a little life here while I'm still young and healthy enough to do it. The beautiful bride has a birthday coming up soon that I must make some kind of plans for and we're also planning to attend another White Sox game later this month, so I can guarantee that pumping these out on a regular basis again will be a little sporadic. So please be patient. Your cooperation is greatly appreciated.

And so it goes.

Tuch