Hot
Times on the High Iron -
Today We Do Some Toilet Talk
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November 13, 2002
Or perhaps it could be tales from the can.
This will not be a column about off color or dirty jokes, although after
reading it you may wish for the jokes instead.
As I have mentioned several times in past columns, I have had numerous
readers ask questions about the restroom facilities on the engines and
what we do when we have to use them while en route and moving. While some
might be appalled by such a topic, I find it amusing. It is good to see
that some folks are as deeply demented as I. It is almost refreshing to
see that this sort of behavior and mentality is not lost on railroaders
alone.
Fear not though, we are not going to get into descriptions of what is
going on while we use the facilities. Even I am not that sick and disgusting,
although several people I know may disagree with that statement. For descriptive
purposes though, I will use the highly technical terms of #1 and #2 for
the two different waste elimination methods. I believe these to be pretty
much universal descriptions.
The restroom facilities on most locomotives are not exactly the finest
of accommodations. You won’t find the trusty "Sanitized for
Your Protection" labels across the seats when the locomotives roll
out of the servicing facilities. Oftentimes, quite the contrary is the
case. Many times in my career I have boarded locomotives that reek of
stinking, disgusting toilets making the cab almost unfit for human occupancy.
On locomotives so equipped, the toilets are usually placed in one of five
locations based upon the manufacturer and cab style. EMD standard cab
units generally have them mounted in the nose. You have to step down into
the nose to access it. As originally designed and built on locomotives
with the short low front nose, a door is mounted directly on the front
bulkhead of the cab to access the nose and toilet inside. One has to open
this door and then reach down leg and foot first to catch the step inside
of the nose and then lower one’s self inside. Coming back out was
no simple chore either as you have to grab onto the door frame to pull
yourself back up and out into the cab. Not exactly simple and convenient,
but it works.
On EMD units built beginning in latter 1976, the design was modified to
a much more convenient and safer design. A small hallway or corridor of
sorts was built with a step down from the cab. A door is located at the
end of this little corridor and you can enter the toilet standing up and
without having to lower yourself in or pulling yourself out. With this
arrangement though, the room itself is much smaller, not that you need
a huge place anyway.
Being that the toilet is mounted in the low nose, you do not have the
greatest amount of headroom, so particularly tall employees might have
to crouch a bit. EMD made gestures to remedy this problem around 1980
by making the mid-portion of the nose a little bit higher. This added
a couple of inches of headroom where it was needed.
The standard cab SD70’s obtained by the Illinois Central, Norfolk
Southern and Conrail have very large restrooms in them as the noses on
these units are a bit longer than many of the previous models. But the
height is still an issue.
General Electric standard cab locomotives have the restroom behind the
cab with the access door about in the center of the cab itself. This compartment
is far more cramped than their EMD counterparts, but it is at cab level.
There is no climbing of stairs involved at all. The toilet is located
there because of the snub nose on GE standard cab units and there being
no room for the toilet in the nose as a result.
High nose units like those on Norfolk Southern predecessors Southern Railway
and Norfolk & Western had plenty of headroom in theirs toilets. That
high nose paid off in this situation. Even though you had to step down
into the nose, the door was full height and you stepped right in. The
high nose Geeps of the earlier years of railroading in the diesel generation
also allowed for this type of access, except everything was level between
the cab and nose.
When some railroads rebuilt their older Geeps and cut off the high short
nose, they had to make adjustments. The Illinois Central Gulf’s massive
fleet of Paducahbuilt GP8 and 10 locomotives had the floor in the nose
dropped and a huge concrete weight added. The toilet was moved over to
a corner and you had two choices, enter from within the cab confines and
work around the concrete slab or go out the front cab door and enter from
a door placed on the left side of the new low nose.
Union Pacific SD40-2 locomotives that were equipped for mid train remote
operation had their short low noses extended to hold this radio gear.
A separate door was added out side the nose to access this equipment.
The toilet was moved over to the right side of the nose with access still
accomplished from within the cab.
Not all locomotives are equipped with toilets. Most small switcher type
units ranging from the NW2 and SW1 to the SW15’s and others generally
do not come equipped with them. The MP15DC locomotives MoPac obtained
were equipped. Being that the MP15DC’s were frequently used on travelling
switch engines (road switchers) the toilets were required. These particular
units are slightly longer than their SW1500 cousins as they were built
on the same frame as the GP15 series units, so there is more room for
one. On the MP15DC models it is located just in front of the cab on the
left (Fireman’s side) behind the high voltage cabinet. You have to
step outside of the cab to reach it. And needless to say, it is a bit
cramped in there with low clearance for headroom as well.
The super or wide cab units have the toilets placed on either the left
or right side of the nose "downstairs." To exit the cab from
the front, you have to drop down a couple of stairs and go through a corridor
or foyer that is separated from the cab by a door. The toilet is normally
just ahead of the wall separating the cab from the foyer. On the GE units
and the SD70 and newer EMD units, it is on the left side. On the older
SD40-2W units it is on the right side. Again, they are a bit cramped as
the ceiling slopes down. If you are tall, you are slouching. If you are
fairly overweight, you are looking for the grease or shoehorn to get inside.
In any event, no matter where the location, I often refer to the room
with the toilet as "the dungeon." Although this might not be
a fair comparison to dungeons everywhere as they were probably cleaner
and more sanitary that what we have.
It is amazing to see the variations in philosophy on toilet maintenance.
Some railroads put forth a great effort. Others, well when the thing is
really stinking, about full to the top and totally revolting, they believe
it is now toilet dumping, cleaning, recharging and refreshing time. In
my observations and first hand experiences over the years, I believe some
roads attempted to go at least one year in between the basic maintenance.
When they get overfull, sometimes the crews take action to eliminate the
problem. More on this subject in a bit.
Right here on the CN system we have two distinct maintenance policies.
In Canada, they seem to stay right on top of toilets. They are generally
cleaner and usually fresh and charged without the basic overload, as it
were. They also use a solution in them that smells better than what is
used in the U.S. On the U.S. side, it can be a different story. It used
to be far worse, but significant improvements were made thanks to the
efforts of the Locomotive Partnership Council of which yours truly is
a member. While not up to the standards of our Canadian brethren, our
toilets are much cleaner than just a few years ago, although they could
stand to improve some more.
Not all can be blamed on poor maintenance though. There are specific items
that are not to be placed into the locomotive toilets. These items would
include bottles, cans, paper towels, sanitary napkins, diapers, cardboard
and the like. However, there are train and engine crews that insist on
dropping such items in there just the same. This can really make things
get rather disgusting rather quickly. These items do not break down and
often do not flush either. In the case on one railroad I worked for, some
idiot even tossed in a coupler knuckle. Fortunately it was far too big
to flush down that little opening, so at least it didn’t get plugged
up in there. I’m not certain that if it did even the "RotoRooter"
man could have rodded that thing out.
Now while I didn’t throw it in there, I once lost my pager in the
toilet. Somehow when I was finishing up, the pager popped off my belt,
hit the toilet and landed directly in the bowl. This particular toilet
did not have a flapper at the bottom that opened and closed when you flushed,
just an opening that everything went through. When the pager hit the bowl,
Newton’s theory on gravity was tested and proven. That handy little
electronic device shot right down the bowl and through the opening making
the mad dash for the holding tank. Needless to say, I did not make any
efforts to attempt to retrieve it.
I thought about trying to send a page to it though. It was in the vibrate
mode and I wondered if maybe a few pages to get it shaking pretty good
would create a volcano type effect in that holding tank leading to an
eruption. Considering what all goes into those tanks, I figured the entire
thing probably dissolved within moments after landing in whatever was
in that holding tank, so I didn’t make an attempt at this scientific
experiment.
After the merger of the Southern and N&W into Norfolk Southern, somebody
there came up with the idea for the use of bags for human waste. Now before
you start thinking about the concept of this (truly a strange one to be
mulling over anyway) let me explain it. They installed what was essentially
a toilet seat on a mount. You took a sanitary bag and placed it completely
over the seat with the opening of the bag going through the opening of
the seat. You performed your #2 into the bag and deposited all the required
paperwork with it. You would then remove the bag, seal it with a twist
tie and deposit this into the waste receptacle for such bags and replaced
the lid. In evaluating this method, in some ways it was actually more
sanitary as you placed your tushy on a clean bag instead of directly on
a toilet seat that may not have been cleaned for months or even years.
A drawback to this system, aside from the concept of doing it into a Hefty
bag was the fact that the containers used to store the loaded bags were
not always emptied in a timely manner. This could lead to another form
of overflow. It also resulted in crews tossing loaded bags from the windows
of the locomotives along the right of way and into the weeds. What then
occurred was the NS weed watchers were now stepping into these bags of
waste and getting their boots and pants soiled. I have no problem with
this as I consider this to be a form of poetic justice. This is the price
you pay for being so devious.
Now for the simpler #1, there was a urinal connected to a small holding
tank. Since September 11th of last year, these devices have been renamed
"Bin Laden’s bubbler."
NS has begun to replace this system with flush toilets on their power.
All of their new power is equipped with the flush systems right from the
factory. All of the Conrail locomotives they acquired with their takeover
of 58% of that line were also flush toilet equipped.
In the late 70’s and early 80’s CN installed incinerator type
toilets on some of their units. These units did just what their name described,
incinerated the waste. If you think rotten grain lying around in the peak
of high heat and humidity during the summer stinks, try catching a whiff
of human waste being burned up at high temperatures. This is downright
brutal and inhumane. And guess where the exhaust from this always seems
to wind up? After receiving zillions of complaints they have gotten away
from this madness returning to flush toilets.
Over the years, some railroads have experimented with toilet location.
Union Pacific attempted to relocate the toilet to the rear of the locomotive.
It was thought that if it was well away from the cab, nobody would complain
about how disgusting they were or could become. It was a good theory,
but on paper only. To use this toilet while moving meant you had to step
out the rear cab door and walk down the catwalk on the Engineer’s
side to the toilet room at the very rear of the unit. This could be quite
the adventure if you were rolling along at 50 or 60 MPH, especially in
the rain snow or really cold weather. This experiment lasted on one locomotive
and was never repeated.
When cabooses were being eliminated on all freight trains beginning in
the mid-80’s, it was decided to place an entire crew of four or five
on the locomotives. Some railroads decided to stuff everybody into one
locomotive cab. So now you have accommodations for three now being elevated
to four of five people. With all these people came all their grips as
well. So now there is absolutely no room in the cab to move at all. You
had to climb over everybody and their grips to get around.
Burlington Northern hatched an idea. They decided to install luggage racks
in the restroom. The idea was to have the crewmembers jam their grips
onto these small racks and stow them away in there to free up cab space.
Needless to say, This idea went over about as well as that proverbial
fart in church. The crews and the unions balked at such preposterous idea.
I mean think about it, would you stow your carry on in an airplane restroom?
Even though they make a better effort to keep them clean, the entire concept
is totally insane.
Some railroads do use this room for storage though. I have seen some railroads
install racks for tools and spare air hoses in the rest room. All of the
IC’s SD70’s were delivered with the rack to hold fusees (flares)
placed in the restroom. And they also have a little locker with replacement
light bulbs and headlamps in there as well. Pre-1976 built CNW units had
the cut out switches for the Automatic Trains Stop system mounted in there.
Other roads had other electronic devices in there like radio power packs.
There is normally a single or two electric lights normally placed in the
restroom. On occasion they burn out. Aside from leaving the door open
there is virtually no other light source in there unless the unit is equipped
with a vent hatch. Even the open vent offers very little light and this
is only in daytime anyway. So the Conductor or Brakeman’s switch
lamp is borrowed. If you have replacement bulbs on board, you can make
the effort to change them yourself, which I have done on numerous occasions.
It is either that or risk going on your shoes.
Toilet placement can be an adventure. In some instances the person or
persons involved in actually installing the toilets may opt for the low
road method and install the toilet where it is convenient for them, never
mind the logical location. In more than one instance, they have placed
it directly in front of the steps so that you actually have to climb over
it in order to use it.
We had one locomotive here, the 6136, that had the toilet in the high
hurdles position meaning you had to climb over it as part of the maneuver
to get into the room. They had a light bulb locker installed behind and
just above it so that you had to not only become a track star, you also
had to be a contortionist to get around it in order to use the toilet.
A couple of calls to the Locomotive Hot Line finally got the problem corrected.
All they had to do was turn the entire toilet around sideways and it created
a clear and unobstructed path. No time to do it right the first time,
but always the time to make it right the second.
The things we do to go.
There are various brands and styles of toilets used on locomotives. Some
have an empty bowl while others have the solution of water and chemical
in them at all times. The chemical is actually a biological agent that
attacks the waste and breaks it down. Into what it gets broken into is
beyond me and I am not certain that I want to know, but I’ll bet
if you dropped this stuff on the Taliban, al Qaida of Saddam Hussein,
they would all surrender immediately. Of course, this would probably have
us accused of using biological warfare but…..They are equipped with
either foot pedal flushing device or a lever you pull by hand to flush.
In some cases, it takes numerous pulls to get them to actually flush.
I had mentioned taking charge when the holding tank was over loaded earlier.
When this happens, we as the crews may take control of the situation and
dump the tank enroute, not all of it, but enough to clear out the bowl.
In some situations, the tank was dumped at locations where we have experienced
problems with neighbors who like to camp out along the right of way. Enough
toilet tank dumpings, especially in the summer will quickly chase those
intruders and pests away.
A friend and former Conductor of mine that used to work for the Chicago
& Northwestern told of a great toilet-dumping story. It seems there
was a particular Trainmaster this Conductor was not fond of. (Gee, that’s
hard to believe, eh?) Anyway, this Trainmaster calls the train on the
radio informing them he would on the platform at a station at a certain
location to give them a roll by inspection. He also told them what side
he would be standing. With that, the Conductor jumped out of his seat
in the caboose to check out the toilet. He learned it was on the correct
side he needed and began to set his devious plan into motion. He told
my buddy to keep a good lookout for the Trainmaster and when the leading
end of the caboose got to him to just yell out, "NOW!"
Being the good Flagman and railroader my buddy was, he was more than happy
to comply with his Conductor’s instructions. As they approached the
station where the Trainmaster was standing, he maintained a diligent lookout.
They were only travelling about 10 MPH owing to a slow order in the area.
When the head end of the caboose reached the Trainmaster, my buddy complied
with his Conductor’s instructions and called out "NOW!"
There was a whoosh and suddenly, a strange colored liquid began to be
rapidly discharged from the drainpipe of the cabooses holding tank. It
gushed all over the platform with much of it either splashing onto or
flowing all over the Trainmaster’s shoes and pant legs. My buddy
described this liquid solution as also having some sort of "lumpy,
solid material" in it as well. An inquiry later into the situation
had the Conductor telling an Assistant Super that apparently he must have
"accidentally" kicked the drain valve while using the toilet.
Of course, the release rod for the drain is behind a cover that has to
be opened and the handle itself has to be pulled, but apparently this
Assistant Super was not aware of this. The caper was completed and covered
up in plain view in grand fashion
I love it when a plan falls into place.
Now, to answer a question asked several times by several people, how do
we go when we are moving? Well, you pick your spots. I drink a great deal
of water while at work. This much water makes me have to "step out
of the office" fairly often. This is not a problem when stopped,
but when moving, you need to pick your spots. I will generally make my
dash for the door when we are in an area where there are no road crossings
for a good stretch. I don’t want to be away from my post when really,
really needed. I also do not leave the seat while reducing speed for restrictions
or when slowing down to stop.
As with sailing, you learn to develop "sea legs" as it were
to maintain your balance while in there so as not to go all over yourself.
Now when I get a locomotive equipped with an alerter, I have to have a
well-timed trip out of the office. The speed upon which the train is rolling
is a major factor in the how often the alerter will sound in between resets.
This means I may have to have the Conductor or Brakeman hit the acknowledger
while I am out or I have to hit it, make my mad dash and return before
it begins to send out its warning tones and prepare to stop the train.
Now technically, we are not supposed to leave the seat while moving. But
if we all stopped every time we had to go, we would take forever to get
over the road. There is sort of an unwritten understanding of this situation.
When it comes to the #2 move also referred to as setting out a "bad
order, creating a new Trainmaster or making a non-revenue move" you
have to be stopped. There is no way around it for the Engineer unless
the Conductor is also an Engineer that is presently set back. In making
this move, the toilet often (almost always) has to be prepared first.
It has to be cleaned and wiped down (I carry Windex in my grip). They
also give us those paper seat liners as well.
If the toilet is too foul or disgusting to use at all, we can step outside.
However, this is not a good idea when running over 10 or 15 MPH. I’m
sure most of you are familiar with the old phrase about spitting into
the wind.
I know of one Engineer that will never step outside. He will stop his
train by a gas station or other place that has public restrooms, get off
and go use their facilities. His attitude is if they cannot provide him
with clean facilities, their trains will just have to wait.
I always tell new shooter Conductors and Brakemen to never go use the
facilities when we are approaching road crossings. Aside from the safety
issue, there is the collision factor. One Brakeman I worked with told
me a story of what happened to him one trip.
Being that they had a Fireman, he figured he could make a dash for the
door while approaching a road crossing. While down there, he hears the
train go into emergency and the Engineer yell out "Hold On!"
Then there was a collision. When all was said and done, the Brakeman was
on the floor next to the toilet and had proceeded to go all over himself
in the process. I wonder if this would be akin to "putting on his
airs."
Finally, the same CNW Conductor friend with the toilet-dumping episode
told me this story. Back in the early 70’s most CNW locomotives did
not have toilets. He tells me of one trip down the road when the Engineer
informed him that he really needed to make a #2 move. The Engineer proceeded
to lie out some newspapers on the cab floor. He told my buddy he would
probably want to step out during this event, which he did. He went out
the back door and stood on the side catwalk and held on while they rolled
along at some 50-MPH.
When he observed the Engineer come back into view, he stepped back into
the cab. At this point in time the papers on the cab floor had been rolled
up into a ball. He said the Engineer, not watching where he was or what
was going on opened cab the window and tossed everything out into the
countryside. Only it wasn’t country, it was a road crossing and a
car was stopped waiting for the train to pass. The rolled up papers landed
smack dab on the hood of the stopped car.
The following day, a directive was posted upon bulletin boards everywhere
on the division prohibiting the throwing of human waste from moving trains,
especially when passing over road crossings at grade.
From what he had learned, the motorist in this car (a woman) upon discovering
what was in the rolled up papers contacted the railroad and made a complaint.
Yet another reason I don’t pull right up to a crossing and wait.
I always stay back at least one hundred feet or more. You just never know
what might hit you.
And so it goes.
Tuch